by what goes on inside me
trying to decipher
what is good
what to hold
what is bad
what to let
i have let go of dusty. again.
i have no desire to have the same argument with him…explaining my feelings until i am blue in the face & he responds by saying, “yes, but…” and asking me to explain them again in a different way.
i am so done.
i have no desire to talk to him, to see him.
of course…this weekend iggy turns ten…and i have already invited him down/agreed to his coming down. with his sister & his sister’s girlfriend and their child.
how am i going to do this?
how am i going to not ruin iggy’s birthday?
when he turned aggressive in a text exchange today, i simply turned off my phone. i do not want to engage with him anymore. he is too good at drawing me into a fight. he exhausted all efforts to appeal to my empathy…so then he just turned accusatory. it’s my fault…it’s all my fault.
oh, i remember this game.
so, again, how do i not ruin iggy’s birthday?