dodo dreaming

when i was a kid
i coped by mentally packing
planning
what will i take?
where will i go?
what will i do?
when i was in an abusive
relationship
i coped
by mentally packing
what will i take?
where will i go?
what will i do?
somehow
circumstances
have led me back
to my childhood
home
& the precarious situation
of having my parents
as my
landlords.
if things
should
turn
ugly
my brain is already
always
packing….

look at dodo bird me.
i wish i could say things with my folks were magically healing and wonderful. that my mom gave me a hug and said, “sorry i was such a crap-ass mom.” and then dad would apologize for being an asshole. and then unicorns would dance across rainbows.

my mom is not talking to me. my dad is avoiding me.
mom only talks to complain about me and to sing dusty’s praises–loudly in front of me. apparently he is a better daughter than i have ever been. for the life of me, i cannot think of anything i have done to her.
whatever it was it must have been super awful.
i had dusty come down. he has the super powers of a sociopath where he can be in the trenches and not be effected.
not mentally & emotionally
shut down.
dusty is literally a life-saver in this situation.
literally.

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Author: emje

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, homesteading, fermenting, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

2 thoughts on “dodo dreaming”

  1. Don’t put yourself down. They had 6 great kids and being alcoholic didn’t take care of you. I don’t know who your dad cares about – himself, maybe. Right now the only one your mother cares about is dear St. E. As for grandkids, they don’t seem to care about any of them. It’s very sad. Who said they put the fun in disfunctional didn’t know these 2.

    Liked by 1 person

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