death or marriage

so in the late 90s
i was contemplating suicide
life
just
seemed
pointless
then some guy i met in a bar
proposed marriage
after knowing me
just a few weeks
& i thought marriage
might be a little less
permanent
than death
so
i agreed
having the theory that
if i could
just
meet
someone
who did not irritate me
maybe i could make it work
…& that is how
i met my first
husband.

marriage. less permanent than death. there’s my tag line for the event.
we eloped to the smoky mountains in tennessee where a civil servant read us the words outside of his mountaintop home.
it didn’t last long.
the ceremony or the marriage.
he didn’t irritate me…but he was also pretty emotionally unavailable. and one thing i need to be available to me is emotion. a kind heart. a shoulder to cry on.

my parents here.
lots of epiphanies to why i’m a disaster in relationships. lots & lots & lots of little clues to that destructive part of my personality.
so much fun.

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Author: emje

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, homesteading, fermenting, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

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