i try to bury myself
with life
with living things
land, plants, pets, livestock
children
i hoard
to try to fill a hole
that deep dark unquenchable
hole
i call my heart
to feel needed…
but that need
it overwhelms me
& all i want to do
is run away
to shed my skin
to start
anew.
i’m in a bad place. i wish i knew why. i am a bad person. i wish i knew why.
sigh.
my biggest fear is becoming my own parents.
tonight i felt like i have become their shadow.
i don’t want to be my parents.
i want to be a good person.
but as my mom liked to say,
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
pray for me, my lovelies…
amazing work
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thanks
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relax, let your own harsh self-judgments have their say, then send them on their way…
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easier said than done
my demons are tenacious fuckers
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