strangers love me best

strangers love me better
than my friends do
strangers offer me smiles
unsolicited help
friends
look away
don’t make eye contact
walk away slowly
“it was good to see you”
“maybe next year”
as my tears are not worth
the salt
& my cries
are never heard
because
no one
was listening

 

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sunflower me

i have recently decided
that it is enough
that i find
myself
hugely entertaining.

it is probably for the best
that i find myself
to be a hoot.
and that i love my own
art

i might be
unpopular
but i am me.
i am i am i am
i really really am

and i love that about myself.

 

knowthing

i know longer feel
anything
i am numb
no
nothing
knowthing

(i accidentally misspelled “no” as “know” and just decided to go with it)

ps. i really look a lot like my mom in this self-portrait.

my jedi

when i was 13
in 1983
i fell in love
with luke
skywalker
those scars on his face
i would tell my friends
all about it
because i knew the scoop from my teen
magazine
(& i still have my copy)
in 2003
i married a man
named “walker”
and over the years
gave our four children
the middle name “sky”
today
my heart is no less tender
than the heart of that 13 year old girl
who gazed
who imagined
a hero
a rebel

i have never done fan art, but seeing posts by mark hamill on twitter just wrench my heart in that all too familiar lovesick teenager way.
i dunno.
it’s goofy.
but i did this drawing because of all that.

goblin

it is difficult
for me
to walk past an inkstain
without seeing its
potential
its
story
its
message
to me.

alone

when i feel alone
i push
everyone
away
because somehow
that makes it less painful
feeling alone
while
being alone
just makes more sense

shattered

wanting so badly to matter
to be noticed
wanting so badly
to be loved
all that happens is i fall prey to those
who would use my supreme loneliness against me
the narcissists
& sociopaths
to whom i am just a toy for their amusement
my pain
just a game to them
& i fall for it
shattered
in my believing
flattering words
hiding
cruel hearts

fine, i quit.

i know there is absolutely no point to posting this, but i am quitting social media. since no one actually responds to my art…
and since it breaks my heart so terribly & painfully to be ignored…
i have no choice but to quit social media.

i will keep making art.

but all by my lonesome.

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