days & days
of staring at an inkstain
drawing a line here
squinting to see the shapes
in shadows & smudges & splatters
putting up beehives
eleven days into april
just one inking,
but so much work
i’m exhausted. but i finally finally finished this. there were several times when i thought i was done…but then the light would hit it just right & i would see another face…another creature…more magic.
i am having trouble focusing on my artwork. it shouldn’t take me eleven days to do an inking. or should it? i am distracted. with spring and all the work of a budding homestead.
but, also, with dusty around, the little voices whisper to me that he thinks i am wasting my time.that he thinks i am neglecting the minions. that he thinks i am being silly–thinking my art is a worthwhile endeavor. that i should be doing something else–something worthwhile.
when dusty is nearby, it echoes of my childhood & when my dad would enter a room, i feel like i have to look busy…i feel like my artwork is not real work.
i could very well be projecting this.
or i could very well be sensing it from him.
he has made snide comments in the past.
some days i think i can keep dusty in my life.
i am trying really hard to be nice to him
to see if that changes how he treats me…
…but most the time, he is still a turd.