edge of the world

i’m in kind of a “meh” mood about my art.
that happens.
periodically.
maybe i should work on a different project for awhile.
my memoirs.
or an illustration gig for a friend.
maybe make a zine.
or work on a new page of moses jones: apocalyptic mama. right? who remembers mojo? who misses mojo? i miss her sometimes.

edge2.JPG

speaking of…things have taken a weird turn with the dusty knickers of my life…okay…not so weird, if you are familiar with our on-again/off-again relationship which showed up in my comic as his disappearing every time moses got pregnant. my dusty never left me–in the physical sense, but did pull away emotionally. and behaved self-destructively. and was incredibly manipulative.
and i swore it was done and that i would never ever ever ever ever take him back again (i have broken up with him–maybe as many as seven times?–and he has inched his way back in, waiting until i am vulnerable….)
but i invited him back in, again, on a trial basis. and it is really nice to have him back. i am well aware that this is the “honeymoon” period…but–as cautious as i am, it is nice to have  him back.
so…can people change?
he had some life-changing stuff happen. he realized a lot of things about himself and how his relationship with his mom shaped his self-destruction, lying, and manipulative behaviors. and now…he is behaving in a healthy way that i have never seen from him. like…communicating…like…having conversations & being human.
it’s weird.
and even though i am lonely and desperate for company and tired of doing this alone…i don’t think i am vulnerable. i mean, i know i can do it alone if i have to.
but i don’t want to.
but i know that i can. and i am willing to do it alone rather than be in a fucked up relationship.

i guess we’ll see what happens.
i don’t have the best track record for making good decisions about men & relationships.

but…people can change…i mean, i have changed. i really have.

and you know what? i threw him out. i did it. i can do it again. i know i can. i know i am stronger now. more sure of myself.

he knows it, too.

edge1.JPG

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Author: em4mighty

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

3 thoughts on “edge of the world”

  1. You do understand that even though you’re feeling “meh” about your artwork…these are absolutely fabulous! Your creativity in “seeing” things is astounding.
    You’re also entitled to have those “meh” days. We all have them. I think that’s what makes great minds so interesting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you. i do recognize that it happens sometimes, those feelings. i like being excited about my art, but i also like that i keep on doing it even when i feel lackluster about it.

      it is good to hear that others are still excited about it even when i am blah.

      thank you! ❤

      Like

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