birdie

i finally finished this.
it’s the 12th of february and i have only done 3 inkings.
but that’s okay.
sometimes maybe i get stuck.

okay. lots of times i get stuck.

yesterday, however, i made 10 valentines & mailed them out.

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10 of these in one day. that’s something. they are all just an inkstain with one inking done by pen. no ink brush. no final scribbling with the pen. so a few steps shy of what i would call a finished inking.  but i did 10 in one day. i did that.

fuck christmas cards (i always forget to send them)…but i sent out valentines…you know, to 10 people. more next year if i get some addresses written down.

so that was fun.

but i’m still a wreck. i wake up every morning thinking i will be able to handle the day. but by sunset, i’m pretty sure i did not handle the day very well.

fuck.

and i need to learn how to milk a sheep.

i’m such a half-assed homesteader. i’ve got sunflower micro greens, potatoes, and spinach growing in my sunroom despite my inability to remember i have things growing out there.
i have spinach & lettuce growing in my cold frame despite my inability to capture and formerly punish the groundhog who keeps raiding it.
and i have broccoli somehow growing in a hoop house despite my inability to keep the structure sound.

and i have livestock reproducing in my yard despite my inattention to the process.

plus i’m going to put in bees and a full garden come spring?

when will i draw? i’m going to have to actually pay attention to my homestead one of these days…not to mention my parenting.

i might be a bit overwhelmed.
i might be a bit stressed.
i might be a bit lonely and wishing i had someone here to tell me that i got this.
because sometimes i just feel like i’m drowning in it all.

alone & drowning.

but i finished another inking.

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Author: emje

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, homesteading, fermenting, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

5 thoughts on “birdie”

  1. when i was in my twenties i would make a bunch and go to my favorite bar & hand them out. then my heart got broken on v-day & i kind of stopped loving it. but i am trying to reclaim it for a day to reach out to one’s tribe & share some love. it’s fun for me.
    i did not get any valentine’s either. my first ex-husband messaged me a “<3" …i suggested he get me a bottle of whiskey instead.

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