the intervention

i have been spending way too much time goofing off with the online shopping for relationships.
it’s not that i’m that desperate & lonely–although sometimes it feels as if i am that desperate & lonely.
it’s just that i really enjoy the attention. i enjoy the dialogue. i enjoy just saying whatever pops into my head to a total stranger & not caring if they decide to block me or not.
let’s call it an exercise.
can we call it an exercise?
make it so i’m not some shallow narcissist playing with the fragile egos of men.
i’m not.
i’m really really not.
i’m being honest.
but so many of them are not asking for honesty….
so who am i to interject with the blunt truth when we are having such a nice conversation?
although, today i did have to tell a nice gentleman that i was not interested in dating him. he took it very well. so yay for that.
and i got refused very nicely by one of the few men i have initiated contact with (none of the others have replied to me!) he said he was already seeing someone.
every day i think
today i am going to delete my account….
maybe tomorrow.

(i think i made a date today…with an older man…i don’t do older men. sure sure, my first husband was seven years older than me. but usually, usually i like the younger men. you know…except i really do like the twelfth doctor. iggy suggested i should date the twelfth doctor.)

so here is a white ink stain on gray paper. i like the way it worked out. i need to play around with it more. it is difficult laying other colors on top of the white, so it got a bit blotchy when i tried to shade. that’s something i need to play with. but i really like how my map turned out (i love maps.)

 

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Author: emje

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, homesteading, fermenting, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

6 thoughts on “the intervention”

  1. The problem I’ve found is, modern life can make it difficult to find love in the more conventional way. I don’t want to find someone at work and I’m too broke to go out and socialise! What’s a girl to do?! How long have you been trying with online dating for?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i know! i am out in the country homeschooling on a shoestring budget. meeting someone naturally is very unlikely even if it is preferred. i tried okcupid and lasted maybe 3 days before i found myself being conned & got out of there. now i am trying plenty of fish. it seems less like a booty call site–so that’s nice. i have a lot of men i am not interested in, interested in me. and the ones i think i would like, do not respond. so mostly i’m just having conversations and sharing my art–so i’m still getting something out of it! i have only been on since saturday. not very long at all. but putting myself “out there” in any way terrifies me, and i think it would be nice to delete it & live my life like a bronte sister. haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Homeschooling fascinates me! Someone I know has recently started homeschooling their kids and it looks like they’re all getting so much out of it. I tried okcupid briefly, but my latest success has been with eHarmony. I just did the free trial because money is tight so I was only on for a short time but the guys on there generally seemed to be a good bunch. It is scary, putting yourself “out there”. It’s sort of making yourself vulnerable but being love in being vulnerable. Hope it works out for you and you get what you want a deserve 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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