gad. this is how i feel today.

i wish i could just hang from a tree and let vegetation grow in my hair.

the minions would chop that fucking tree down and pluck me naked though. get this. i’m trying to do yoga. except it’s very free form. stretching & poses combined with weights & kickboxing & dancing. i did it successfully while they were at their dad’s. so i have been trying to keep it up.
they roll my yoga mat up and pretend it’s a gun.
they roll each other up in my yoga mat.
they latch onto my ankles and sit on my feet.
today, i had to search the house for my weights because someone ran off with my weights.

fuck a duck.

what is that? i am stressed out and want to exercise to reduce my stress and depression and body fat so i can feel better about myself. and they do everything they can to stop me? what is the evolutionary purpose of pissing off the mama when she is trying to de-stress? i am not sure my minions have a clear idea of survival instincts.

also. i was going to do this picture yesterday, and even spent ample time just staring at the stain, but ended up trying out another dating site instead. i am going fucking stir crazy and no person should be subjected to the tortures my minions inflict on me. no one should have to spend isolated days being screamed at by one’s offspring.


so as an escape i started online shopping for relationships. i can say that plenty of fish is way better than okcupid. i dunno. i’m not sure i can do it. but at least i’m having adult conversations with other grown ups. you know, cyberly. but i totally do not understand why someone would put up a photo of themselves wearing sunglasses as a profile picture. and why do you need to show me your motorcycle, boat, off-road vehicle, fast car, fish trophy, etc. what is that? is that some male instinct to prove something? and what does having that stuff prove exactly? you are good at providing yourself with lots of toys? also. the need to let the ladies know you are a good cuddler. i do not get it. it actually gives me the heebie-jeebies.

so at least i am entertaining myself and my minions run circles around me screaming their little heads off.


Author: emje

oh! i know who i am now i am sad & silly i am fierce & fantastic i am passionate & magical i am a fucking unicorn

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