deer me

i didn’t draw a picture yesterday
yes
i posted a picture
but i did not draw a picture
the crying lady
was drawn
egads
six years ago?
a historian of me
and my art
would have you notice the lack of ink brush painting
the use of pastels
the relatively light–
but still inaccurate–
shadowing….
so i didn’t draw yesterday. i was rabid most of the day. evil nasty pissy me was in charge of my brain yesterday. i did do some ink splattering, however. i probably should have posted that, at least, but–you know–rabies.
so i started a drawing today after the weirdness of thanksgiving was done
(why did my elderly aunt ask me if i had gotten my concealed carry license???)
i started a drawing but did not get too far before the minions were begging me to watch more doctor who. (more, doctor who, mummy–more!…i love my minions)

a deer.
there is a deer, clear as the day if the day were inside my head amidst the sparks & sinkholes.
a deer.
a reminder to be gentle.
be gentle, deer me.
be gentle.
my bones ache and teem with anger. repressed anger. oozing anger. anger that is easily directed at undeserving targets and leaves me knowing i am going to have a lot to make up in my next life….
be gentle.
i see deer a lot since a friend read me a medicine card with a deer in it. of course i live in the middle of the prairie lands…but still. one day four walked across the road in front of my car in the middle of a town. one night driving home, a buck darted right in front of my car. a doe stood, making me come to a stop, several yards past him. one day while gardening, a deer made her way across the field next to my yard, stopping to stare at me whenever my movements rustled the leaves around me.

be gentle.

meanwhile, i have banished an ex-husband and another ex-husband starts sending flirty emails. but the thing about my exes, they all have such thin skin. i have found that honesty sends them skittering away. i’m not trying to be mean…honest…i just tell them how i feel when they use me as a distraction…and they skitter away.

honesty is brutal. but it is also gentle. lies may hurt less, but they will kill you in the end.

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Author: emje

i'm a disaster at every type of relationship i enter into...except with my kids. i think i'm doing something right there...but it is difficult to tell sometimes, especially since i have a pretty crappy support system since support involves relationships. i am a pretty dark person with a weird sense of humor. i spend my non-mom time cooking, baking, homesteading, fermenting, planting, sprouting, experimenting, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, obsessing, and hiding. as a mom i am about as unconventional as i can get. i unschool my kids & give them a lot of freedom to be who they are. this does not help my popularity. but my kids are super cool. i love my kids.

2 thoughts on “deer me”

  1. Deer are gorgeous, sweet, beautiful animals who get shot a lot. Think wildcat with huge, sharp, long claws and you’ll see how your life can change. You’ll see how the people around you will change as well. Healthy respect comes to mind. LOLOL I’m a wolf myself and while we need all our animal friends to teach us, to be only one can get us into trouble. 🙂 People take advantage of deer. We all say…”aw a deer,” but we say, “you can have anything you want, just let me live,” to a big cat. Love your artwork.

    Like

    1. the problem is i am a grizzly bear.
      so deer is not a normal part of my personality.
      a rabid grizzly bear.
      i think i needed to use the gentle deer energy to get out of a relationship where i had already torn his face off–and that did not convince him to leave.
      it doesn’t make sense…
      but he’s gone now.
      and now my poor kids are suffering the rabid grizzly bear.
      maybe i need the deer for balance?
      ah well.
      it’s not like i am able to be deer-like for very long….

      thank you for reading my post! and for the compliments on my art! i spend a lot of time talking to myself, so it’s always nice to hear a new voice. (almost always nice..but in this case, definitely nice.)

      Like

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