wrapped up in anxiety

so! the little consignment art mart opened up again & since i have been trying to talk myself in to selling my art there for like six months now…i decided i should call them up and set up a time to bring my art in.
as soon as i thought it, the talking heads “love for sale” began playing on my mix.
you may or may not have noticed that i borrowed that title to use for the page of art for sale on this very site….
so i got out my phone & stared at it for a couple of hours…but eventually made the call…& did drop off art there on saturday.
so i am officially “out there” with my art.
at least in a small town in the driftless region of wisconsin….
baby steps.
anyhoo! this page was inspired by that struggle.

trapdoor heart

this is just something i started thinking about pets & livestock & then realized i could include most of my human relationships as well.

i am really really really uncomfortable even suggesting someone might adore me….
why is that, i wonder? hmmm

looking for a fight

why does it seem
as if
i run
on angst
& conflict?
unable
to function
unless
pissed off
about something…
anything.
paralyzed
by happiness
&…
peace?
a calm center
rendering me
placated
amid the chaos
a new found
balance
won’t let me
fall
down…
what do i do
when i no longer
feel like crying?

more explorations into my recent brush with feeling calm & centered. what the fuck is going on?
but, i am writing/drawing through this & showing the world that i can indeed turn anything into something to feel anxious about.

the suburbs

sometimes
i just don’t
have words
my brain
idling
like a car
in the
mcdonald’s
drive thru
sometimes
all
is quiet…
content?
like someone
snuck in
that
long-awaited
lobotomy
sometimes
i just feel
uncomfortably
numb
like
somehow
i took a
wrong turn
& wandered
away
from my
suburban life.

see. this is what i was talking about yesterday. my brain is just away on vacation & since i never ever take vacation…it just feels wrong. i am relaxed & calm…& it is freaking me out.
like i am suspicious of feeling happy? yeah. just like that.

sky blue eyes & an artichoke heart

i have been a bit brain dead of late & have not been furiously journaling as usual.
i’m not sure what is going on, but future journal posts will touch on my weird state of non-agitation since, fuck it, i have to journal about something!
this page of my journal was just my trying to get my brain moving. as lynda barry teaches, i started with spirals. at the very least, spirals work to calm me down.
but, again, i am already strangely calm.
so not used to being calm.
but from making spirals, i ended up contemplating my artichoke heart….

depleted

this is something i am struggling with.
a healthcare professional told me that women need to receive a lot in order to give so much (versus men who need to give in order to receive.)
but there are too many days where i feel as if i have given such an incredible amount…& have gotten almost nothing.
it’s a terrible feeling.
emptiness.

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