hear me scream

things are going sideways with dusty…who didn’t see that coming?
ack!
it’s so messy, y’all.
i’m not sure i can even get into it…it’s probably going to be days & days & weeks of art journal pages as i try to wrap my head around it….
jekyll & hyde bullshit
so i don’t know who won the pool? who picked the date for this relationship to crash & burn…again….
fuck me.

my island vacation

i took the ex & kiddos up to madeline island on lake superior
it was a bit of a stressful time
i was pissy & burnt out
which made dusty pissy & a total dickhead
& my minions were…
well, they were themselves….
but!
it was still amazing.
so beautiful & peaceful (other than screaming minons
& bitchy exes)
i loved it.
i love lake superior.
sigh.

seeing as i don’t really have a camera or a smart phone. i inked my island vacation memories.

anarchy in the u.s.a

i was totally on the beach as i did the art for this.
which explains the mermaid-ish-ness of it.
& when i say “island vacation” don’t picture palm trees…
my take on an island vacation is the ice cold waters of lake superior.
which explains why my mermaid is so blue.

when i’m fifty

since i’ve turned
fifty
i’ve gotten a leech
for the first
time
ever
while wading in a cool pool
of water
since i’ve turned
fifty
i’ve gotten stung
by a wasp
for the first
time
ever
in the face even….
but
neither were
nearly
as scary as
i imagined
all these years
huh…
i wonder what
other
firsts
wait for me in
this second half
of my
century.

two more first that hopefully are happening sooner rather than later: my first book & my first art show….
i’ve always believed in facing fears…maybe fifty is my time to amp that up a bit.

question authority

there is nothing new
about this
normal
our medical system
has always used
scare tactics
governments
have always
overreached
& people
have always
blamed
&
bullied
members of their
community
rather than
question authority.

quick rant on latest trending panic

back
when i was on the fringe
for homeschooling
my children
people would ask
with accusation in their tone
“but how will your children
be socialized?”
& i would tell them
easily
in every day
interactions
with other people…
the hypocrisy
does not
escape me
that these same people
are telling me now
keep my kids at home!
mask them!
keep your distance!
as i am shamed
for letting my kids
have those ever
still pertinent
social
interactions.

why are we letting our children be turned into socially deprived, immunocompromised neurotics?
i worry even more about our future. i am not worried about covid19…i am worried about how our reaction to it is damaging generations to come.

another art journal page inspired by my talking to the city council about re-opening our parks in this remote community with zero cases of covid.

bubble boy

it seems to me
that the powers
that be
are conspiring
to turn
us all
into
touch deprived
immunocompromised
bubble boys
unable to venture
out
without
a collapse of health
due to
no natural tolerance
to the elements
we should be
exposed to
our environment
our community
our air
not restricted…
should we grow
or should we
shrink?

i keep thinking about how colonizers of the americas gave small pox infested blankets to the native americans who had no natural immunity to the disease & promptly got sick & died.
why should healthy people in uninfected communities be asked to compromise their immune systems by wearing masks & not socializing with others?
it does not make any sense.
unless you trust your government…which i do not. if my government cared about my health, they would not poison our food, water, & air on such a regular basis.
until i see governments actually addressing health issues instead of creating scare tactics to pit people against other people…i will continue to question this so-called pandemic.

i wrote this art journal page as i prepared to speak to my local city council about re-opening the parks in this remote community where we have zero cases of covid yet are behaving as if a plague is happening.

shouldve said

i have
so much to say
but the words
come out
all wrong
in stammers
& fragments
i have
so much to say
but my brain
is tornado
valley
& nothing
comes out in the right
order
my best thoughts
flying away
at a moment’s
notice
only to come back
& settle on me
as i try
to sleep
a dusting of
“oh…i should’ve
said
that!”

a continuing of yesterday’s experience with social anxiety….

my big stupid mouth

my plan is
to never
leave my house again
to never
open my big
stupid mouth
again
to never be
foolish
to never
believe
i have something
worthwhile
to say
to never think
anyone
wants
anything
to do with me
again….

my social anxiety & i went to a meeting of like-minded rebels concerned about the forcing of masks on our community where there are zero cases of said virus.
i had so much to say, but quickly became overwhelmed by emotion & basically was only able to stutter out some randomness that probably did not even make sense.
i left the meeting feeling (ironically) even more alone than i had felt before finding the group. i felt like a social pariah.
see? this is why i do art & write & rarely leave my little bubble….

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