make believe

i might be a fictional character
everything about me
a story
i told
after so many stories
how do i know
if i am real
or make
believe.

i am trying to play around with my art…venture away from my portraits a bit. i am finding clarity more again now so i am hoping i can step away from the constant journaling to work on some projects, like–hey! remember moses jones?
also i want to work on turning the story i started developing “stolen” into a longer piece.
plus i need to work more on my novel in progress: a better life through sock puppets….

side projects

one month from today
my second book (tangled together) hits the stands
(my book confusion perfume still available!)
also
working on a commission for a friend
as i scribble her face
using my photos of her from the 90s
and
working on a logo
for a group i am helping
bring to life
as my journal slows
i think about what to do
to keep myself
busy.

now i get it

when i was a girl, i could not get enough of horse stories. i picked up john steinbeck’s the red pony
expecting just another heartwarming story of a boy & his horse…by the end of the book, i was
pissed off & utterly confused. i remember the book from time to time, with bitterness. however,
while proofing my upcoming collection of short stories, i found myself remembering the story
with a different reaction. my own abrupt and morose storytelling reminded me of john steinbeck &
that fucking pony. then i began to wonder how much i had internalized in those precocious early
years, reading books beyond my understanding, stephan king & edgar allan poe…now building blocks
to my own stories. men i have never met, corrupting & molding that little writer inside me….

my new favorite word

finding enlightenment in the midst
of a crapstorm
finding equanimity
(a word i just learned)
this is my life
this is my path
no peaceful mountaintop
on which to meditate
i am deep in the valley of chaos
& stronger for it.

some days the clarity is easier to grasp than others, but like my posts about achieving what you need amidst constant setbacks…if i can find peace & balance within this life of mine, i will be able to find it anywhere.

i’m not sure what the image is about. although i did aspire to be a burlesque style stripper when i was five…that or a pro baseball player….

cable knit angel

if i just bring one person
joy
it is worth it
if i just bring one person
peace
i am worth it
if i comfort one lonely soul
soothe one rabid mind
if i inspire
or ignite an epiphany
surely i have purpose.

here is my response to that voice that likes to ask me, “what the fuck do you think you are doing? drawing? writing? jesus, get a real job.”

my dickie

i call my hairstyle
“the dickie”
it looks like i am wearing a full head of hair
but
i am not.

just a goofy thought put into my art journal. i like the inking of me.
mostly i am freaking out about my new house these days. does anyone have thoughts on alternative energy in regards to heating…& water heaters? (just in time for earth day!)
i am making this house from scratch it seems, & i don’t want to follow the recipe.

i can do anything

if i can be a good mother
despite an abusive childhood
if i can find peace
amidst the chaos
if i can be happy
when it seems the world would prefer me
miserable
if i can learn to love myself
in this lumpy bumpy body
if i can let other love me
accept me
celebrate me even
despite my lifelong identification as a
pariah
then i can do
anything.

more of the epiphany as it unfolded for me while i lay face down on a chiropractor table. this idea amazes me. that i could do all the work i need to do even when i feel overwhelmed & outnumbered. that feeling overwhelmed & outnumbered could actually work towards my learning how not to feel overwhelmed & outnumbered.
wouldn’t that be fucking awesome?
i am feeling pretty fucking zen right now, y’all.

against the odds

when i was a kid
i couldn’t say my “s” sound
without sticking out my tongue
i was put into speech therapy
to remedy my lisp
& i remember clearly how proud
i was of myself
for not only learning to keep my tongue in my mouth
but also learning to do it while missing
my two front teeth
maybe even then
the universe was trying to teach me
something learned despite a setback, a handicap
something learned the hard way
is so much more
valuable.

here is my big epiphany of the week. i go to a chiropractor/energy worker almost once a week. in addition to having a much more aligned body, i have an epiphany almost every time i am lying there on the table. i totally recommend a good body worker for getting things moving.
this epiphany, this is a big one.

horse of a different color

i’m okay
written in the window of a haunted house
i’m okay
on a chalkboard during a zombie apocalypse
the boat sank; i’m okay
the train crashed; i’m okay
the volcano erupted; i’m okay
from rooftop to rooftop
from treetop to mountaintop
i’m okay
whether you are asking or not
i’m okay.

that’s a switch, right? i’m admitting that i am okay. and i have some warrior chick riding a panda. i want to start moving back towards comics. i think that’s where this image came from. when i go to illustrate a page, i empty my mind & wait. if nothing appears, i just start inking. however, many times, with enough meditation, i find the image i want–in this case–lady panda warrior.

(first page of a new journal)

straight to dvd

i am the hero
of my own story
i am also the arch nemesis
as well as several supporting roles
and many of the cameos…
& i am painfully aware
that my story
will go straight to dvd.

i know that i am not popular and have no aspirations to make it to the mainstream…but i also know that i keep myself pretty fucking entertained. and i am eternally grateful to those of you out there who get me…or at least appreciate me.

this was the last page in the reflections journal that i started last fall. i inked on almost every page (some pages were used to make notes about projects, etc.) these journals take a lot of abuse.

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